LOVE

You know, there are days where I feel like the best wife ever...supportive, loving, touchy-feely. Then there are days where I was just annoyed with life in general....grumpy due to whatever, who knows, just one of those days. It's in those days where I'm sure I was a pretty grumpy towards my husband. Short responses, rude tone of voice, withdrawn. To make matters worse, he was great...loving, patient, supportive....he even took the kids, so I could have a break. What?? Talk about humbling. So, this is when I swallow my pride and ask for not only His forgiveness, but God's....along with the ability to LOVE my husband despite my emotions being what they are.
So, what is LOVE? I didn't like the definition found in the dictionary:
(1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
(2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
(3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

HELP ME LOVE
by Pearl Barrett

Father, forgive these thoughts in my head
That are playing a chorus,
They don’t need to live, but I’ve been watering them,
Helping them flourish.
Been finding his faults, then pouring on salt
Into old wounds I never let heal.
So take all this mess, this bitterness,
Let me trust You, not trust how I feel.

Chorus-
Help me love unselfishly,
Help me learn to give and not expect anything,
Help me serve willingly,
Help me lay aside my pride, my rights, and my needs,
Help me learn to honor him
With a word, with a smile, with a touch,
Help me love.

Father, you see every corner of my heart,
All is uncovered.
Lord, search me please and tear up the weeds
That have grown and smothered
The truth of your Word that helps me to learn
To be the wife you have called me to be,
‘Cause I need so much to show this man that I love,
That I’m grateful for wearing his ring.

I love it.

I have to say now that 7 months into living life with 3 kids, that I love it. I know that sounds strange as if I could give one of them back, claiming I "changed my mind". There are so many times during the day where I just sit and watch them all interact. To see the looks on their faces when they see each other, is priceless and a blessing to my heart.
When Annie first sees Bella, she shrieks in excitement because she knows she'll be laughing in just a few moments! When Ethan first sees Annie, the words, "Hi baby!" in a high pitched voice come out of his little mouth followed by a kiss on the head. When Bella first sees Ethan, her eyes get big and says, "hey bro, wanna go play 'bro's'?". It's fun to be at home with my children, so capture every sound they make, every experience of a game they make up, every look they give each other, whether nice or grumpy!
Some nights I lay in bed and my mind fills with prayers for them...for everything...their innocence protected, their destinies to be fulfilled, their spouses, a love for learning, a teachable spirit, always being a close knit family, being the mom God called me to be, etc. I often pray myself to sleep because there are so many things to pray for!
Other nights, I lay in bed repenting for losing my temper, choosing to check "facebook" instead of answer the call of "mooomm!" (though I do feel I need "mommy time" to check facebook). Sigh....I don't like those nights...I don't like the feeling of letting my children down. Thankfully I serve a God who is bigger than my failures as a mother, wife, woman that I don't need to dwell on those times. I can lay in bed, repent and be refreshed for the next day.....so I can LOVE having children all over again and not miss an experience with them.

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I have a chance to actually sit and think about things without being interrupted by screaming, the sounds of children jumping off furniture, or the sweet melody of "mooooommmmyyyy!!!". It's during these times that I really realize how amazing everything is around me. Despite the clothes and toys all over the floor, the lack of millions of dollars in my bank account, the missing Cadillac Escalade in my garage, I think I have an unmistakably amazing life.
So, here you go...a few things I am thankful for:
1. the smile of my children's faces.
2. the sound of my husband's voice.
3. running water...running, heated water.
4. a full pantry.
5. utility bills, because they mean I have a house to live in.
6. family 5 minutes away.
7. skype to I can talk to family that's not 5 minutes away.
8. sunshine coming through my window.
9. health insurance.
10. the fact that Bella and Ethan are best friends.
11. the ability to breastfeed.
12. an amazing father for my children.
13. pacifiers.
14. books
15. the fact that I can legally, read my bible.
16. a camera to capture almost every precious moment in my life.
17. a big brother and big sister that LOVE their little sister.
18. that each of us have a bed to sleep on.
19. windshield wipers.
20. a washer and dryer.