Inspiration: where does it come from?

I often find myself inspired on a moment to moment basis. My inspiration comes from so many different places. When I sit and think, I wonder, "What is INSPIRATION?" I know what inspiration feels like, but had a hard time putting it into words to truly understand it. So, I looked it up:

1. 1. Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity.
   2. The condition of being so stimulated

That's it? Just a feeling? Ok.....so I'm often inspired, but what do I do about it? Do I just allow myself to feel good? I found the 2nd definition interesting. It was like it was an incomplete sentence (and no, I didn't type it wrong.). "The condition of being so stimulated" That's it. Nothing else added to it. Just being so stimulated......so stimulated, that what? We act. Everything we do is an action, even if we choose to act by doing nothing. As I write this, I wonder....what actions have I taken due to my inspiration? Well, I will answer that by saying first, what I am inspired by:

1. the word of God. I was reading in Psalms the other day and I read this passage: "As the deer pans for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God." Psalm 42:1.
That passage inspired me....it awoke a literal thirst inside of me....a desperation to know Him, to become closer. The past few days, I've craved the word of God.

2. photography. Life is seen in photographs. Moments we will never get back. We MUST capture them, display them, look at them often, remembering where we came from, how we've grown....it allows us to realize who we've truly become and how we've gotten here.

3. health. I am so incredibly thankful for the health of my children, husband and myself. With Pop having cancer, I've had my eyes opened to how fragile life truly is. How quickly it can change. I am inspired to live an active lifestyle to promote health for my own body, as well as setting an example for my children. By choosing to exercise, not to be skinny, but to honor God with this temple, shows my children the ultimate purpose of exercise. Choosing to eat healthy does the same thing.....I provide my body with the things it needs....good nutrition, exercise, rest....these things don't guarantee we will be free from disease, but it does prove scientifically even, that we have a better chance to dispell it.

4. love. I look at my husband and immediately feel love. I look at my children and immediately feel love. I see love everywhere I turn. A mother blowing goodbye kisses as her child walks into school. A daddy holding a child's hand. A husband and wife embracing. A grandparent laughing with a grandchild. It's all around us and every time I see it, I am thankful I am experiencing it daily in my life. Love inspires me to put a note in my children's lunch boxes, rub my husband's shoulders, clean my mom's kitchen. I don't do these things because I have to, I do it because I LOVE them and want to show them how I feel.

You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.
- Shira Tehrani

First Day of School....

It's a little late, but here's their first day of school for 2010-2011! I can't believe how time flies....they're growing up so quickly. Today I was going through their clothing bins (looking for 2T clothes for Annie) and I was (literally) stuck in the closet and reminscing over all their outfits they've outgrown. Ethan's first Halloween costume...a lion. Bella's favorite pajamas....gingerbread man long john's. Ethan's first football jersey....OU! Bella's first soccer team....Tulsa Tigers.
I thought to myself, I can't afford to miss any moments. I took advantage of that thought tonight while running on the treadmill....Bella came down and sat on the couch. I was watching a movie while running.....I turned it off and just started talking to her. I asked about school, friends, what she's learning, if she thinks her little brother is doing good in school. (which she said yes. :)) It was then I got a little sad and realized I'm so NOT a part of every part of her life like I used to be when she was younger. I don't know what goes on 6.5 hours of her day. As mothers (or fathers) we have such a small window of time when we're their ENTIRE world....when we have every hour of their day to influence, encourage, and teach them. I'm thankful I've had to ability to set a foundation for her (and Ethan and Annie). Of course we continue to take advantage of foundation building: Our mornings eating breakfast, our evenings doing homework, bedtime devotions, good night kisses and hugs....sleepy time cuddles. The foundation we are working so hard to build:
#1 God loves you, unconditionally.
#2 Family is everything.
#3 Forgiveness is essential.

yummy japanese.

Every once in a while we need a good "adult" night out. This time, we enjoyed Japanese and then some good ol' American football and beer at the Tides. Here's to good friends and family. Cheers!

He's in the Navy now.

Yes, I know he left 5 months ago. But I'm just now getting around to sharing how proud of him I am. :)

She's growing up.....

This last weekend, our oldest child, Bella, went on her first "get away" with her BFF. (too cute!) Her friend, Lily, got to bring a buddy along to Great Wolf Lodge for a birthday celebration.
She was soooo excited to go (GWL is one of our favorite places!), and of course I was happy about this opportunity for her.....BUT (and BIG BUT), I was nervous! She's only stayed the night next door at the neighbor's house or with mamai and papi. She's never been out of town without us! I kept thinking about how my little baby is leaving without me. It wasn't about me not trusting her or Lily's parents, it was just my baby being out of my control.
A week in advance, I started "prepping" her. I wrote my cell # and Mike's cell # on her hands in permanent marker so she could memorize them; she also had to memorize our address, lily's parents first and last names, what to do if she was lost in the water park, lost in the hotel, to wear a life jacket in the wave pool (though she's a strong swimmer), and what to do if a stranger approaches you.....most of this was redundant, but I HAD to know she would do all she could to be safe. Ultimately, she did GREAT....and listened to everything I asked her to do. And I did good, too....I only called twice! :)

A funny side note, I sent her with $30....to pay for some arcade games, a few treats and her magic wand game ($10). (I knew she'd spend it all) When she came home she showed me all she bought: A small stuffed doggy, a LARGE lollipop, and a ball for Ethan. What?? All of that for $30? I asked her how much it all cost.....her stuffed puppy was $19!!! and Her lollipop was $4!!! Leaving her $7 for the arcade.....pretty good right? I just laughed and figured, "well, she got what she wanted....and even brought her brother a gift!"

Drawing Closer.

Let's see...it's been OVER a year since I've blogged. It all pretty much stopped on July 6, 2009....the day Pop was diagnosed with the "Big C". Not just the basic cancer....stage 4, TERMINAL. It's been a long road. Our family has been through the gambit of emotional, physical, physcological and even relational changes in the last 15 months.
Most of you have been kept abreast of Pop's situation....my mom is good at keeping everyone informed. There's not much else to say about it. The dr.'s say he's going to die....there's nothing they can do. We are STILL standing on the Lord, looking to him for peace, comfort, encouragement. It's a moment by moment process....one moment I'm hopeful and the next moment I am wavering with death staring me in the face. With that said, I, at times, keep my self distant to the cancer....I don't really read all of my mom's updates (mostly because I see it for myself every day), I've come accustomed to the routine of mom and pop not leaving the house, like it's just the way they live and not because he's too sick to get out of bed.
In a need to just survive, I've also withdrawn from a deepness with my Heavenly Father. I'm not too sure why....Fear? Possibly..... Anger? Possibly that, too..... Keeping everything on the surface, refusing to see the reality of what's happening before me. Though I've stepped away, He (God) has continued to speak to me, gently calling me closer.
"Tell daughter Zion, 'Look! Your Savior comes, ready to do what He said He'd do, prepared to complete what He promised.' Zion will be called new names: Holy people, God-redeemed, SOUGHT OUT, City- NOT FORSAKEN." Isaiah 62:11-12
We can run. We can hide. We can step back. But with every step we take, God's sweetness is there to draw us near. I may not have all my strength, but He doesn't require that. All I need to do is lay in His arms and be comforted.

Do you know what "stop" means?

Bella and Ethan have one night a week they spend at my mom's house. This last week Ethan and Mamai had a conversation that went something like this:
Mamai: Ethan please stop.
(ethan continues to do whatever he's doing)
Mamai: Ethan, I asked you to stop.
(he still continues)
Mamai: Ethan, do you know what "stop" means?
Ethan: no.
Mamai: Stop means "stop what you are doing."
Ethan: So they mean the same thing?!

Reading is good. :)

Her New Lip Thing.

She does this all the time now...very cute!

Nature is pretty cool.

So, we looked out the window about a month ago, so see this little "perch type" bird flittering outside our window. She kept flying back and forth, it was obvious she was building a nest on one of the flood lights above our deck. Yesterday, we looked at the nest and found her sitting in it....while she "stepped out", to eat, I'm assuming, we peeked in her nest and saw 3 tiny eggs! The kids are really excited and check for her every day (through the window). We are careful not to disturb her, though it's hard for the kids because they want a better look. :) Can't wait until the babies are born! What a good lesson in the life of a bird for the kids!

Our Little Annie Bug is growing!!!

Our Annie Bug is growing up! She turned 10 months on the 20th...she's amazing! Here's her stats from today's dr. appt: 17lbs. 13.5 oz (19th percentile), 27.5 inches (30th percentile). And here are some of the super cute things she's doing now: standing on her own to squatting to standing again! She's a strong little bugger! She waves "hi", blows kisses, holds her hand up to her ear and says, "hello". What a little cutie she is!!! :)

Catching up....

Lots has been going on since my last post in April! Bella and Ethan had their birthdays, turning 7 and 5. We have been enjoying the spring/summer weather by having MANY outdoor adventures, whether it's hiking, swimming, kyaking, camping....we've done it all and it's only June! :) One of my favorite things about life right now is how protective we (Mike and I) are of our family time. Every day Mike is not working we are building memories and deepening our relationships parents to children, sibling to sibling, spouse to spouse. Family is the one thing that you can never choose....they are always around and it's God's will to nourish those relationships. I am happy to know that when my children grow up they will be well grounded in family and will take what they have learned through experience and establish those grounds with their own families.

These are just some pictures of our "family time". Enjoy!

Happy (Late) Birthday, Bella!

My oldest daughter, Isabelle, turned 7 on May 17th, so like Ethan's birthday tribute, this is late as well....so I'm sharing what was written in her journal on her birthday! :)
Bella, in the last 7 years, you have shattered my expectations of what I thought you'd be like! You are strong and independent, not caring what others think or having the need to be approved of. You are your own person! You have this inner desire to be a "hero" and a "warrior", not what I expected, while you were in my tummy! I am not the least bit disappointed in who you are! You are always striving to do your best in every area of your life, whether it's Tae Kwon Do or cleaning your room...it's always to the best of your ability. You are spirited and fun, joyful and sweet, caring and intelligent. Here are 7 of some of my favorite things about you:
1. When you made the decision to be called "Bella" instead of "Isabelle". That was your first grown up decision and you were only 3.5!
2. Every Halloween you want to be a power ranger...and not the pink one...either blue or red! :)
3. I love how you are not aggressive in soccer but get in the faces of your opponents and steal the ball in basketball! You have no fear in this sport!
4. Your favorite color since you were 2 is blue.
5. You love animals and want to be an "animal rescuer" when you grow up...you have such a sense of adventure!
6. When I first had Annie and she was in the NICU with all the wires and tubes, you didn't want to touch her because you were scared you would hurt her....but when we brought her home, you couldn't stop touching her and would fall asleep holding her. :)
7. You take time to make friends....you choose them carefully and are very loyal to them.
I LOVE you, Isabelle Nadine Nalani....you are absolutely fabulous. You bring happiness to my heart and are a blessing to everyone around you. There is great favor upon your life and I know you will accomplish great things!

Happy (Late) Birthday, Ethan!

My son, Ethan Michael, turned his milestone 5 on May 15th.....so of course this birthday tribute is late on the blog, but this was actually written on his birthday in his journal. :)
Ethan, 5 years ago you were born into this world. God gave us another wonderful gift, you. You came into the world as my "miracle" and you continue to you uphold that name. The last 5 years with you have been so amazing...I've watched you grow from a baby to a boy and my heart bursts with pride. I wanted to share with you some of my favorite memories:
1. When you were 15 months old, we'd put you to bed and we'd hear you singing on the monitor, "mommy and daddy, daddy and mommy" over and over until you sang yourself to sleep. If we had friends over, you'd sing their names, too...."mon and steph, steph and mon."
2. That brings me to another cute memory....you would call our friend Ron, "Mon" and when you'd greet him you'd say, "hey, mon"!
3. One of your first words, when you were 12 months, was "nigh-night"...you named your blue blanket that because we would give it to you and say, "nigh-night time". So, to this day, you still sleep with your "nigh-night." And luckily, we've never lost it!
4. When you were 3, you had surgery....I was so nervous! When we got to the hospital for your admission, they gave you a little stuffed panda bear, which you named, "pandy". When you came out from the operation, we went in post-op and you were having a hard time coming out of the anesthesia, so I just cuddled you....they gave you a popsicle to calm you down and you said you wanted 2....then you ended up eating 4 more! 6 popsicles! Poor thing...you couldn't eat or drink anything before surgery and were soooo hungry and thirsty! :) In this same story was the comfort you found in "Pandy"....who you still sleep with! :)
5. last fall you picked up the phrase, "What the heck" from a friend at school, so I encouraged you to say, "what on earth" instead. One day, you got the 2 confused and said, "What the planet?" That has to be my all time favorite phrase that came from your mouth! :)
I LOVE you Ethan...you are more than I have ever asked for in a son. I am so proud of who you are and who you are becoming. You bring me so much joy!

A glimpse of spring.....

Here in GH it's still mostly in the 40's and rainy of course. Even though I looked out my window a few weeks ago to see flowers coming up in my yard, my first glimpse of spring came today. We were driving home from church and it's an amazingly beautiful day....sunny, crisp and 65 degrees! It's one of those days where you just HAVE to be outside. Anyway, when we were almost home, I rolled down the windows and as I did, I looked in my rear-view mirrow to see Bella...I watched her long enough to see her face as the window came down.....she watched the sun filter in and the moment the wind blew in her face, she smiled. Aahhh....spring has come.

LOVE

You know, there are days where I feel like the best wife ever...supportive, loving, touchy-feely. Then there are days where I was just annoyed with life in general....grumpy due to whatever, who knows, just one of those days. It's in those days where I'm sure I was a pretty grumpy towards my husband. Short responses, rude tone of voice, withdrawn. To make matters worse, he was great...loving, patient, supportive....he even took the kids, so I could have a break. What?? Talk about humbling. So, this is when I swallow my pride and ask for not only His forgiveness, but God's....along with the ability to LOVE my husband despite my emotions being what they are.
So, what is LOVE? I didn't like the definition found in the dictionary:
(1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
(2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
(3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

HELP ME LOVE
by Pearl Barrett

Father, forgive these thoughts in my head
That are playing a chorus,
They don’t need to live, but I’ve been watering them,
Helping them flourish.
Been finding his faults, then pouring on salt
Into old wounds I never let heal.
So take all this mess, this bitterness,
Let me trust You, not trust how I feel.

Chorus-
Help me love unselfishly,
Help me learn to give and not expect anything,
Help me serve willingly,
Help me lay aside my pride, my rights, and my needs,
Help me learn to honor him
With a word, with a smile, with a touch,
Help me love.

Father, you see every corner of my heart,
All is uncovered.
Lord, search me please and tear up the weeds
That have grown and smothered
The truth of your Word that helps me to learn
To be the wife you have called me to be,
‘Cause I need so much to show this man that I love,
That I’m grateful for wearing his ring.

I love it.

I have to say now that 7 months into living life with 3 kids, that I love it. I know that sounds strange as if I could give one of them back, claiming I "changed my mind". There are so many times during the day where I just sit and watch them all interact. To see the looks on their faces when they see each other, is priceless and a blessing to my heart.
When Annie first sees Bella, she shrieks in excitement because she knows she'll be laughing in just a few moments! When Ethan first sees Annie, the words, "Hi baby!" in a high pitched voice come out of his little mouth followed by a kiss on the head. When Bella first sees Ethan, her eyes get big and says, "hey bro, wanna go play 'bro's'?". It's fun to be at home with my children, so capture every sound they make, every experience of a game they make up, every look they give each other, whether nice or grumpy!
Some nights I lay in bed and my mind fills with prayers for them...for everything...their innocence protected, their destinies to be fulfilled, their spouses, a love for learning, a teachable spirit, always being a close knit family, being the mom God called me to be, etc. I often pray myself to sleep because there are so many things to pray for!
Other nights, I lay in bed repenting for losing my temper, choosing to check "facebook" instead of answer the call of "mooomm!" (though I do feel I need "mommy time" to check facebook). Sigh....I don't like those nights...I don't like the feeling of letting my children down. Thankfully I serve a God who is bigger than my failures as a mother, wife, woman that I don't need to dwell on those times. I can lay in bed, repent and be refreshed for the next day.....so I can LOVE having children all over again and not miss an experience with them.

Peace.

In my last post I talked about how I was telling the kids who they were, what God calls them. This was a conversation I had with Ethan the other night while discussing this topic.
mom: Ethan, who does God say you are?
Ethan: I am strong!
mom: That's right...you are strong! You are a leader!
Ethan: If I'm a leader then that means I am the boss of Isabelle.
mom: Well not exactly. When you are a leader, you let God show you how to lead His people. You let Him tell you what to do and then you tell them.
Ethan: I already know what God wants.
mom: What's that?
Ethan: Kindness and Peace.
mom: Yes, That's right.
Ethan: Mom? Will you pray God gives me Peace?

Who are you?

Lately it's been on my heart to tell my children the story of how they were named. Mike and I didn't just choose a name we liked, we prayed and the Lord gave us a word for each baby and it always matched with the meaning of one of the names we liked.
When I was pregnant with Isabelle, every time we prayed over her in my womb, the word we got was "Set apart for God". When we looked at the meaning of the names we liked, we saw that Isabelle meant, "Consecrated to/Set apart for God".
When I was pregnant with Ethan and we prayed over him in the womb, the word we would hear was "Strong". Again, we looked at the meanings of names we like and saw that Ethan means "Firm, Steadfast and Strong".
The story is a bit different with Anna. Three years before she was born, I had a dream that I was pregnant with another girl and there were 2 names that I liked: Allison and Anna. In the dream Isabelle told me to name her Anna. So, that name had been in my mind for 3 years before she was conceived. When I was pregnant with her it was 2008, and the Lord spoke a promise to Mike and I for the year. The word was "Grace". We held fast to that in every situation we walked through and took hold of it in my pregnancy as well.....again, when we looked at the meaning of Anna, we were pleasantly surprised to see that it meant "Grace". This time it only confirmed the name we felt we were supposed to give her.
With all of that said, the reason I've been wanting to tell each of them those stories (of course Anna doesn't understand it yet) is because I want them to know what God says about them....What He calls them. I want their identity to be ground in their hearts and minds so that when the world tries to label them, i.e. "too hyper" or "tom boy" or (heaven forbid) "fat", they'll brush it off because they already know who they are.

Can you believe it???

Ok, so today was Pop's urology appointment. Understand that for the last 10 months, he has been having issues with his Prostate....after numerous appointments with doctors, who we trust and know are highly trained, and after numerous tests...there's a final result: Diagnosis: Prostatitis (infection) Remedy: Ibuprophen.
We don't feel this was just a misdiagnosis.....we honestly feel it was a miracle! Every doctor we went to and spoke with said, with a PSA that high, it was likely cancer and not just that, but that it had already spread. Not only was his PSA high, his prostate was lobulated (not symetrical), and his symptoms were fairly sudden onset over the last year. EVERYTHING pointed to Cancer! Again, let me stress that 2 of the medical providers we spoke with, who treated Pop, were Christians who believe in the healing power of Christ! We believe this was nothing short of a miracle. Test after test came back clear.....this is unreal and almost unheard of in the medical circle we run in....so praise God....He is Good. And yes, we BELIEVE it!